Creating a Green Campus Now (At present) ,the environment (protection) has become the most hot(hottest) topic in (China and round )the world.（大体说明世界各国为环保事业所作出的努力） So (In my opinion) a green earth begins with a green campus， （and it is us students’ responsibility to achieve this goal.）Creating a green campus is very important.(去掉这句话)（Next, I will mention some measures we can adopt.） Creating a green campus is not the environment, but also a graceful people-circle. In a graceful（harmonious） environment, we could enjoy ourselves（去掉） doing all kinds of things. If we are in an awful environment, we should become angry and resistive. So keeping a green campus is based on the success. For creating a green campus, we should keep a good life manner and a good goal .This is not only useful to us but also those people beside us. It is a belief that having a green campus is having a beginning of success. 1. 字数不够。四级作文要求200字左右，按照旧标准大概会被扣除2分。 2. 上下文衔接有些模糊，提出了论点，但没有进行具体阐述。这是一篇热点话题作文，书写的时候一般有这样几个步骤。第一段谈论环境保护的重要性，第二段提到营造绿色校园的意义，第三段开始讨论作为学生应该采取几方面的措施（在分点讨论的时候，一定要使用类似firstly, secondly, thirdly,…finally这样表示顺序的副词，可以让考官觉得论点明确，一目了然）最后一段得出结论。 3. 语法错误和不必要的文字。（红色部分） 4. 中式英语。文中有比较明显的中式英语痕迹，语法不太通顺（绿色部分） 5. 有几句话写的不错。（黄色部分） 6. 括号里是我做的部分修改。第三段论证部分还需仔细斟酌修改，最好能重新拟稿。 本文来源：https://www.wddqw.com/doc/2a832acac77da26925c5b0bf.html